ATTACK KITTEN AD

Source: Craigslist

Ferocious attack kitten is available for adoption to any home willing to accept him.

This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you.

Well-trained since 10-weeks of age to attack anything in his presence, he will protect your family from evil things, including the following:

* insects
* other trained attack kittens
* babies
* toilet paper
* anything under a blanket
* unwanted house guests
* paper bags
* floor rugs
* Chuck Norris
* feet

Great with children (assuming you don’t like the children). Probably best used for professional catfighting.

He is housebroken, but only because he wants to be.

This attack cat has trained himself to seek out his food anywhere you hide it and rip the bag open to feed himself, great for those who travel extensively. Also trained to drink water out of toilet bowls and dishwater from items in the sink.

Knows how to open some doors. He will find you wherever you hide.

Neutered (trust me, you wont want to him to procreate). Has not been declawed, but you'll figure that out really fast.

Understands and responds to a variety of vulgar and profane verbal commands. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear - however he will bite your face if you try to touch it.

Willing to accept trades. Potential adopters must have experience with trained attack-kittens; please be prepared to show scars.

Isn’t this considered ‘Good Luck’ during Mardi Gras?

A Czech woman has lodged a complaint after cutting into a loaf of bread and finding a fresh baked mouse.

Hana Korinkova, 35, said the mouse dropped out of the middle of the bread onto the side of the table.

Health and safety inspectors who are investigating say the bakery, in Brest, faces a large fine.

Food inspector Martina Smidtova said: "When we inspected it we found the bakery broke a whole range of health and safety regulations.

"There was nothing to stop rodents from getting freely into stores of flour and dough."

I Know What Dogs Think! I Know What Dogs Like!

LIFE IMITATING A GARY LARSON 'THE FAR SIDE' CARTOON STRIP

Hungarian scientists are working on a computer program to enable people to understand dog barks.

The software is said to work out the nuances of a dog's barks, howls, yaps and growls, reports the BBC.

After analyzing 6,000 barks, it aims to determine when a dog has seen a ball, when it is fighting, playing, meeting a stranger or when it wants a walk.

But the scientists admit the technology only just out-performs humans.

While the computer correctly recognized the emotional state of 43% of dogs, humans did almost as well with 40%.

Csaba Molnar, from Eotvos University in Budapest, told the BBC: "I would say that we proved there are very strong contextual differences between the barks.

"But very long further work is needed to determine which emotional states and which characteristics belong to each different breed.