FTANG! Movie Moment - The Sure Thing

And now, FTANG! presents a Movie Moment from one of Ftang!'s all time favorite films - The Sure Thing

Celebrity Death - Margaret Truman - January 29, 2008

Former First Child, only daughter of President Harry S. Truman, and mystery novel writer Margaret Truman, dead at 83.

And the Janaury Celebrity hits just keep coming!

Mmmmm... That's Good Tongue

Authorities in Slovenia are investigating after a piece of human tongue was served up in a hospital cafeteria.

A doctor at the town hospital in Izola in southern Slovenia complained about the strange looking piece of meat in his meal after he ordered a chicken risotto in the hospital cafeteria.

The doctor insisted it was not chicken, and after an argument with staff, the piece of meat was sent for tests - which later showed it was part of a human tongue.

Health inspectors have closed the kitchen and are reviewing hygiene standards.

Managers said the small piece of tongue could have been accidentally dropped into the food by a doctor who had come into the cafeteria straight after treating a patient.

They also said that it could have been added to the food supplies before they were delivered to the hospital.

The spokesman told the main Slovenian daily paper Delo: "I can say clearly that we have never used patients parts in any of our dishes."

Celebrity Death - Christian Brando - January 26, 2008

Christian Brando - January 26, 2008

Very small 'c' celebrity Christian Brando, more famous for killing his half-sister's husband, spending five years in prison for the deed, and having the same half-sister later kill herself.

Oh, The Godfather and Jor-El was also his Pappy. That's gotta count for something.

When Midgets Go Bad

Thieves are robbing long-distance buses by sneaking dwarves into the luggage holds in sports bags.

Once inside, they slip out from their hiding places to rifle through the belongings of unsuspecting travelers. Then they take their loot back to their hiding place and wait to be collected by another gang member when the bus reaches its destination.

They have stolen thousands of pounds in cash, gems and other valuables in recent months.

Swebus, which carries thousands of Brits across Sweden, has been one of the bus companies that’s been targeted.

A spokesman said, "We have had reports about several thefts by dwarves on the stretch between Vasteras and Stockholm. We're thinking of installing video cameras."

A Stockholm Police spokesman said, "We are looking at our records to identify criminals of limited stature."

You've Goth to be Kidding Me

A goth who walks his girlfriend around with a dog lead and collar was stopped from getting on a bus amid fears for passenger safety, a bus firm confirmed.

Dani Graves, 25, and his fiancee Tasha Maltby, 19, claim they have been discriminated against by a bus company called ‘Arriva’ in Yorkshire, England.

The black-clad couple said they had been told to leave one bus and prevented from boarding another. The bus company said safety came first, but it was investigating the complaint.

Mr. Graves said, "We're used to strange looks, we're used to comments. But we didn't expect it from someone like that. They're providing a public service. We had our bus passes, we did everything that you are supposed to do to get on a bus."

Miss Maltby said she came up with the idea to wear a dog lead, and said previous boyfriends had called her a "weirdo" when she suggested it. (NO!! Imagine that!!)

The couple said they "loved each other to pieces" and the use of the lead was a "sign of trust".

Mr. Graves said, "She's very animal like, she's kind of like a pet, as well as a partner."

He said he "does everything" for his girlfriend, including laying out clothes for her, feeding her and cleaning their house.

He said, "You wouldn't expect your cat or dog to do the washing up or cleaning round the house."

Arriva claimed other passengers could be put at risk if the bus braked sharply.
Operations Director for Arriva, Paul Adcock, said, "Arriva takes any allegation of discrimination very seriously and have interviewed the driver regarding Mr. Graves' claims. Our primary concern is passenger safety and while the couple are very welcome to travel on our buses, we are asking that Miss Maltby remove her dog lead before boarding the bus.

"It could be dangerous for the couple and other passengers if a driver had to brake sharply while Miss Maltby was wearing the lead."

The company said it was writing to Mr. Graves "to apologize for any distress caused by the way this matter was handled".

Marry Me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're My Only Hope.

Two Star Wars-loving brothers are planning to set up a Jedi church in Wales.

Barney and Daniel Jones want fellow devotees to be able to join them. Barney, 26 - or Master Jonba Hehol - and Daniel, 21 - Master Morda Hehol - head the UK Church of the Jedi.

They say their services will include sermons on The Force, lightsaber training, and meditation techniques.

Barney, a hairdresser (!) said, "As children we always watched the Star Wars films anyway. We noticed that there were a couple of sites on the Internet, Jedi church sites. We printed off a couple of sermons and did a sermon in our house for a couple of friends one night."

Barney and his musician brother Daniel, help run four websites devoted to the development of the "faith".

"My brother and I will wear the Jedi robes, the dark brown robes... the congregation would be in black. Really to bring a sense of unity to the meetings," said Barney.

Although the current members are all men, women are not excluded, as Barney points out, "Princess Leia helped them out a lot."

However, any congregation member drawn to the dark side of the Force, embodied in the films by Darth Vader, would be advised they are following the wrong path and could face expulsion.

(Imagine that! No current members are women!)

Celebrity Death - Heath Ledger - January 22, 2008

This really ought to be filed under SHOCKING CELEBRITY DEATH!

Heath Ledger - January 22,2008

Gay Cowboy and Clown Prince of Crime.

ONE YEAR TO GO!!!

!!! T-MINUS 365 DAYS !!!

Paul Stanley Turns 56

Paul Stanley - January 20th

FTANG! Birthday Wishes to Paul Stanley who turns 56 today! Hey Paul, how about you and Gene finally start speaking to one another again and give the fans one more studio record? That'd be cool.

UPDATE - April 2008: From an interview with Paul himself. FTANG! can forget about a new album apparently.

Q: Are there more KISS tours or a new album on the horizon?
A: We just did some massive shows in Australia and New Zealand, and in three weeks we’re heading to Europe. So, KISS is alive and ready to blind you, deafen you and pummel you into submission (laughs). A new album? We’re asked about it, but we know fans don’t really want new material. I could write the next “Let It Be” and people would say, “That’s great. Play ‘Love Gun.’” And we’re happy to do that.

WTF, PAUL? Seriously, WTF?

Celebrity Death - Suzanne Pleshette - January 19, 2007

Suzanne Pleshette - January 19, 2008

Actress best known for her role as Bob Newhart's wife on television's long-running "The Bob Newhart Show."

I Know What Dogs Think! I Know What Dogs Like!

LIFE IMITATING A GARY LARSON 'THE FAR SIDE' CARTOON STRIP

Hungarian scientists are working on a computer program to enable people to understand dog barks.

The software is said to work out the nuances of a dog's barks, howls, yaps and growls, reports the BBC.

After analyzing 6,000 barks, it aims to determine when a dog has seen a ball, when it is fighting, playing, meeting a stranger or when it wants a walk.

But the scientists admit the technology only just out-performs humans.

While the computer correctly recognized the emotional state of 43% of dogs, humans did almost as well with 40%.

Csaba Molnar, from Eotvos University in Budapest, told the BBC: "I would say that we proved there are very strong contextual differences between the barks.

"But very long further work is needed to determine which emotional states and which characteristics belong to each different breed.

Celebrity Death - Bobby Fischer - January 17, 2008

Bobby Fischer - January 17, 2008

Controversial former world chess champion and general all around whack job.

Celebrity Death - Allan Melvin - January 17, 2008

Actor Allan Melvin died Thursday January 17, 2008 of cancer. As well as appearing on Broadway, Melvin is best known for his numerous supporting characters and as a cartoon voice actor. Ftang! readers will know him as Magilla Gorilla, if Ftang! readers are old enough and lucky enough to have encountered Magilla. A vast majority will no doubt recognize him as the Brady Bunch's Alice's main meat man, Sam. He also appeared on many sit-coms, including The The Dick Van Dyke Show, The Andy Griffin Show, Gomer Pyle, USMC, and The Joey Bishop Show. Then there was his recurring role on All In The Family as Barney Hefner, moving onto Archie's Place. Through the 80's & early 90's Melvin did a lot of cartoon voice acting.

See. You knew who he was, even if you didn't know who he was.

Celebrity Death - Brad Renfro - January 15, 2008

Brad Renfro - January 15, 2007

The only film Ftang! saw Brad Renfro in was 'Apt Pupil.' The premise has to be absorbed with a huge suspension of disbelief: a teenager discovers an ex-Nazi concentration camp commander living in his suburban neighborhood. He confronts the old man and threatens to expose him unless he will agree to tell him everything he can remember about the atrocities of the war. Their relationship becomes increasingly complex as it is corrupted by the evil within each of them. While not exactly the world’s greatest film, there are a number of good scenes. Most especially the final scene between Renfro and his guidance councilor, David Schwimmer.

Celebrity Death - Vampira - January 10, 2008

Vampira – Maila Nurmi – January 10, 2008

In 1954, Maila Nurmi (a.k.a. Vampira) was America’s first TV horror hostess. She was nominated for an Emmy Award as "Most Outstanding Female Personality" that same year. She also starred in Ed Wood’s schlock classic: "Plan 9 From Outer Space."

666 - The Microwave of the Beast

HAYDEN, Idaho (AP) -- A man who believed he bore the "mark of the beast" used a circular saw to cut off one hand, then he cooked it in the microwave and called 911, authorities said.

The man, in his mid-20s, was calm when Kootenai County sheriff's deputies arrived Saturday in this northern Idaho town. He was in protective custody in the mental health unit of Kootenai Medical Center.

"It had been somewhat cooked by the time the deputy arrived," sheriff's Capt. Ben Wolfinger said. "He put a tourniquet on his arm before, so he didn't bleed to death. That kind of mental illness is just sad."

It was not immediately clear whether the man has a history of mental illness. Hospital spokeswoman Lisa Johnson would not say whether an attempt was made to reattach the hand, citing patient confidentiality.

The Book of Revelation in the New Testament contains a passage in which an angel is quoted as saying: "If anyone worships the beast and his image and receives his mark on the forehead or on the hand, he, too, will drink the wine of God's fury."

The book of Matthew also contains the passage: "And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell."

Don't Taze Me, Bro!!

A new gadget that combines a Taser stun gun with an mp3 player has been unveiled. It is on display at the annual Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, which is expected to receive more than 140,000 visitors this week.


The iTaser, as it's been dubbed, features a 1GB player in the stun gun's holster.

Arizona-based Taser International sells the handheld stun guns under the banner of 'Changing the World and Protecting Lives'.

It maintains that the iTaser "Allows for both personal protection and personal music for people on the go."

Rick Smith, founder of the company, claims "personal protection can be both fashionable and functionable."

The company says the new device is particularly aimed at women - with red, pink and even leopard print designs intended to make carrying a stun gun fashionable.

A spokesman in Las Vegas said the inclusion of a music player would encourage purchases by women who want a form of self defense while out jogging, but who would otherwise take an iPod instead of a weapon.

"A lot of women aren't going to go into a gun store and feel comfortable enough buying a Taser, so now we have some outdoor companies and dealers - some cell-phone places are starting to carry them and hang them next to phones," he said.

William Hartnell at 100

William Hartnell, the very first actor who (pun intended) portrayed the role of Doctor Who in the 1960s, was born exactly 100 years ago today. While not exactly Ftang's all time favorite Doctor - - without him - - none of what exists today would even be here. So a hearty toast to William and all that he accomplished in his three short years in the role. Cheers, Bill!

FTANG! Movie Moment - Cheech and Chong's Next Movie

And now... a brief musical interlude from Cheech and Chong's Next Movie

How Stupid Are Americans?!?

The answer will shock you!!

FTANG! returns with GRANNY PANTIES!!!

A family home was saved from burning down when a pair of giant knickers were used to put out a fire.

Jenny Marsey's size 18-20 cotton pants were grabbed to cover a frying pan fire at her home in Hartlepool, England.

Her son and nephew were trying to fry some bread when the blaze broke out, reports the BBC.

They grabbed the panties from a pile of washing, doused them in water, and threw them over the fire. Mrs. Marsey, 53, said: "My cheap parachute panties have come in handy for something. We've had a good laugh that they were a bit like a fire blanket."'

Her son John and his cousin Darren, 23, were cooking, when they went to answer a knock at the door, only to return to a blazing kitchen.

Mrs. Marsey said: "When they found the pan on fire they did what most people do and panicked.

"But they found a pair of my panties in a washing basket and basically used them as a fire blanket to put out the fire."

Mrs. Marsey, also mother to Sarah, 23, Joanne, 24, and Donna, 27, added: "I think if they had been my daughter Sarah's skimpy panties they wouldn't have done any good.

"I'm taking it all in my stride and it's quite a funny start to the New Year."

INDEED IT IS! WELCOME BACK TO FTANG!