Celebrity Death - Mike Smith - February 28, 2008

Mike Smith – February 28, 2008

Mike Smith, the lead singer of the 1960s British pop group The Dave Clark Five, has died at the age of 64. They were part of the British invasion along with the Beatles, the Rolling Stones and The Animals.

Smelly Underwear Banned

The boss of a Serbian company has banned his staff from coming into work with dirty underwear.

Milomir Gligorijevic said: "I am fed up with people with poor personal hygiene standards. I have now made it an offense for people to come in without having a shower - or with dirty underwear."

He has also banned staff from smelling after eating garlic - warning that they need to make sure they brush their teeth - and use perfume and deodorant.

Gligorijevic, who runs a 30-member stationery company in the capital Belgrade, sent out an official memo to all employees demanding they adopt good standards of personal hygiene.

The memo warned all employees to make sure they brush their teeth, take showers regularly and change their underwear every day.

He did not say how he would make sure his clean underpants rule was followed but warned it would be enforced.

Celebrity Death - Boyd Coddington - February 27, 2008

A Ftang! Celebrity Death Hat Trick for February 27, 2008!

Boyd Coddington - February 27, 2008

Extremely small 'c' celebrity and car-building legend Boyd Coddington, has passed away at 63. Best known for his cable TV reality show "American Hot Rod". He also customized a car based on a 1950s Cadillac that he built for Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top.

A national day of mourning has been proclaimed for Gearheads and Mulletheads everywhere.

Celebrity Death - Buddy Miles - February 27, 2008

Buddy Miles – February 27, 2008

Buddy Miles, rock and funk drummer has passed away.
To many, he will be remembered for his drumming stint with Jimi Hendrix’s ‘Band of Gypsys’. To the rest of the Western world, he is more commonly remembered as the voice of the taltented lead singer of the California Raisins advertising campaign.

Celebrity Death - William F. Buckley, Jr. - February 27, 2008

William F. Buckley, Jr. – February 27, 2008

Small ‘c’ celebrity, author, conservative commentator and syndicated newspaper columnist William Buckley has passed. Somewhere Tom Selleck and Charlton Heston are sobbing.

My Pants Are Ablaze with Furious Anger

Polish police are baffled after a cyclist was badly burned when his pants burst into flames.

Mieczyslaw Jasinski, 55, told doctors he smelt burning and looked down to see his pants had caught fire.

He jumped off his bike and rolled on the ground trying to douse the flames but suffered second degree burns to his legs, back and stomach.

Passers-by spotted him lying at the side of the road in Koroszczyn, still smoking from the tattered remains of his pants and groaning in pain.

A police spokesman said: "Witnesses said he was like a flaming human torch cycling along the road.

"We do not know how it happened but we have heard that it could have been caused by a reaction between friction as he cycled, sweat and the material of his pants."

Damn It Feels Good To Be A Breakfast Gangsta

A Hong Kong design company has come up with the ultimate breakfast for wannabe gangsters - gun-shaped eggs. Hong Kong-based Urban Trend has designed a range of gun-shaped egg fryers which it says will be shooting into stores later this year.

Customers will be able to serve up their eggs in a variety of weapon shapes, including a Magnum .45 and an Uzi.

"Whatever the reason, gun-shaped objects seem to be all the rage these days," a company spokesman said.

Made from stainless steel, the wacky kitchenware will be distributed to 40 countries worldwide and will sell in packs of four.

Celebrity Death - Ben Chapman - February 21, 2008

Ben Chapman – February 21, 2008.

A number of Ftang! readers probably wouldn’t recognize his real face, but Ben Chapman, without a doubt, portrayed one of the enduring icons in the history of motion pictures. You see, dear Ftang! reader, Ben Chapman was none other than the "Creature from the Black Lagoon."

The Creature (a.k.a. The Gill Man) was a member of Universal Studio’s dream team of what would eventually become considered "classic movie monsters." This squad included Frankenstein, Dracula, The Wolf Man and The Mummy. (Yes, yes, yes. Some people also consider The Bride of Frankenstein and The Phantom of the Opera as part of the team. Thank you for bringing that up. Ftang! personally considers them to be second stringers, though.)

And, just like his fellow movie monster buddies mentioned above, the Gill Man is (ALLEGEDLY and admittedly FINALLY!) about to get a 21st century makeover. Ron “Don’t Call Me Opie” Howard and Bill “It’s a Bug Hunt!” Paxton are rumored to be in the works of remaking this monster classic. If this is indeed the case… Don’t screw it up, Opie!

SLOW NEWS DAY

An off-duty firefighter's life was saved by a DVD in his pocket when it stopped a bullet for him.

Barry McRoy was leaving a fast food restaurant in Walterboro, South Carolina, when two men entered struggling for control of a gun. (Is this a common occurence in Walterboro?!)

The gun accidentally went off and the bullet hit one of the men before shattering a window and hitting Mr. McRoy.

Mr. McRoy didn't even notice he'd been shot.

It wasn't until later, as he gave a statement to a police officer, that Mr. McRoy spotted a bullet hole in his jacket.

"I was saved by a DVD," Mr. McRoy said. "How lucky can you get?"

The man with the gun was charged with two counts of assault and battery with intent to kill and other gun-related charges.

FTANG! Movie Moment - Tapeheads

FTANG! Movie Moment - 1988's Tapeheads featuring John Cusack and Tim Robbins.

FTANG! asks the immortal question... "Now when's the last time you had a wing with a waffle? Well that's too long, it oughta be unlawful!"

When Naked Cowboys Sue!

New York's Naked Cowboy is suing M&M Mars for $1.5 million+ for stealing his image.

Robert Burck is unhappy that a blue M&M was dressed in his skimpy trademark outfit for a video billboard ad.

The ad, which shows the animated candy in a white hat, boots, guitar and underwear, attracts customers to M&M's Times Square store.

It is virtually identical to the outfit worn by the Naked Cowboy each day in Times Square where he has become a tourist attraction. The case will be heard in Manhattan federal court.

"My initial response was like, 'Wow that's cool,' " said Burck, whose claim to fame is playing guitar at 45th Street and Broadway, holding the instrument over his briefs to make him appear to be naked. But then he decided a major corporation was cashing in on his ingenuity and hard work.

"All I've got is my underwear. It's the most brilliant thing that's ever been created from a marketing perspective. You can't stop it," said Burck, 37, who filed suit on the advice of lawyers and trademark experts.

Mars is declining to comment on the case - however, the Naked Cowboy's candy-coated chocolate electronic alter ego has disappeared from two video billboards.

FTANG! salutes the bikini-brief-clad cowboy!! You go, Robert! Don't take any shit from those annoying M&Ms! On a side note, Mrs. FTANG! still loves the photo of you and she.

Celebrity Death - Dave Groh - February 12, 2008

ABC’s General Hospital's former cast takes another hit this month as small ‘c’ celebrity Dave Groh passed away February 12, 2008. While he may be best known for his role as Valerie Harper’s husband/ex-husband in TV's Rhoda, the subject of divorce on a televsion show was unheard of at the time, Ftang! will always remember him as GH’s wickedly abusive husband Brock.

Valentine’s Day Cuddles to the Saudi Religious Police

Religious police (clearly in need of some attention) in Saudi Arabia are banning the sale of Valentine's Day gifts including red roses. The Saudi Gazette (!!!) quoted shop workers as saying officials had warned them to remove all red items including flowers and wrapping paper.

Black market prices for roses were already rising, the paper said.

Saudi authorities consider Valentine's Day, along with a host of other annual celebrations, as un-Islamic.

In addition to the prohibition on celebrating non-Islamic festivals, the authorities consider Valentine's Day as encouraging relations between men and women outside wedlock.

"Sometimes we deliver the bouquets in the middle of the night or early morning, to avoid suspicion," one florist was quoted as saying.

Others were planning to travel to the more religiously liberal neighboring countries, Bahrain or the United Arab Emirates, to celebrate.

Saudi Arabian authorities impose a strict Islamic code that prevents men and women from mixing.

Isn’t this considered ‘Good Luck’ during Mardi Gras?

A Czech woman has lodged a complaint after cutting into a loaf of bread and finding a fresh baked mouse.

Hana Korinkova, 35, said the mouse dropped out of the middle of the bread onto the side of the table.

Health and safety inspectors who are investigating say the bakery, in Brest, faces a large fine.

Food inspector Martina Smidtova said: "When we inspected it we found the bakery broke a whole range of health and safety regulations.

"There was nothing to stop rodents from getting freely into stores of flour and dough."

Celebrity Death - Roy Scheider - February 10, 2008

It is with deep, deep regret that Ftang! reports the loss of actor Roy Scheider, who passed on Sunday February 10, 2008. While there are so many roles to acknowledge for this Academy-Award nominee, let’s merely comment on Ftang!'s personal top three. French Connection partner Buddy Russo, Blue Thunder pilot Frank Murphy, and the best damn Chief of Police Amity Island has ever had.

It is his portrayal of Chief Martin Brody in the film Jaws that forever solidified his place in the heart of Ftang!



And now... an 'In Memoriam' Ftang! Movie Moment featuring Roy's most famous line:



That's some bad hat, Harry MARTIN.

FTANG! Friday Funny

And now... a short musical interlude from The Kids in the Hall.

!?! WTF - February 7, 2008 !?!

A Hungarian lawyer is facing court action after he bit a female colleague's breast at a civic dinner.

Laszlo Papp, 32, head lawyer for the Mayor's Office in Gyor, reportedly told attractive Imola Kovac, 26: "I don't fancy my chicken breast - I think I'll try yours instead."

The mayor described his lawyer's actions as a joke but Kovac did not see the funny side and has now launched legal action against him for sexual assault.

She said: "I am taking legal action because I do not think biting a colleague's breasts is appropriate behavior for a civil servant." (See, now this is why Ftang! has also been a failed civil servant... why isn't this written down somewhere?!?)

Celebrity Death - Maharishi Mahesh Yogi - February 5, 2008

Famous for hanging out with four of the most famous people on the planet, Beatles guru Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, died February 5, 2008.

Nazi Scientific Experiment or Dinner Tonight?

This story is already all over the Internet, but Ftang! couldn’t resist posting it as well.

Nothing screams 'EAT ME!' quite like a cheeseburger. In a can. That’s right. A cheeseburger. In. A. Can. (On a side note, there's one thing that will make you scream 'Gott in Himmel', and that's a cheeseburger in a can. Go figure.)

Isn’t it just mind boggling what those sneaky and crafty Germans have come up with? And wait just a cheeseburger-pickin'-moment... didn’t the Allies put an end to all their dastardly scientific experiments 65 years ago?! No? Well, it appears that they’re back at it.

Now Ftang! sure does love a good cheeseburger. Hell, who doesn’t? Well, some of those PeTA whackjobs, Ftang! supposes. They’re probably not too keen on cheeseburgers. Bastiches. Regardless, Ftang! sure does love them cheeseburgers. In fact, Ftang! has even traveled to the American Mecca in the desert of Nevada for some pretty decent cheeseburgers. The Midwest needs an ‘In-n-Out Burger’ something fierce!

Uncanned, it looks remarkably similar to those hot lunch cheeseburgers Ftang! used to get in parochial school. Which is NOT a good thing.

Celebrity Death - Barry Morse - February 2, 2008

Small ‘c’ celebrity and the original Lt. Girard from TV’s ‘The Fugitve,’ as well as Space 1999’s moon man Professor Victor Bergman, actor Barry Morse died February 2, 2008.

Celebrity Death - Shell Kepler - February 1, 2008

Small 'c' celebrity, Shell Kepler, best known for playing Nurse (Chief of Gossip Staff) Amy on ABC's General Hospital from 1979 to 2002.