Friday, June 27, 2008


Source: Craigslist

Ferocious attack kitten is available for adoption to any home willing to accept him.

This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you.

Well-trained since 10-weeks of age to attack anything in his presence, he will protect your family from evil things, including the following:

* insects
* other trained attack kittens
* babies
* toilet paper
* anything under a blanket
* unwanted house guests
* paper bags
* floor rugs
* Chuck Norris
* feet

Great with children (assuming you don’t like the children). Probably best used for professional catfighting.

He is housebroken, but only because he wants to be.

This attack cat has trained himself to seek out his food anywhere you hide it and rip the bag open to feed himself, great for those who travel extensively. Also trained to drink water out of toilet bowls and dishwater from items in the sink.

Knows how to open some doors. He will find you wherever you hide.

Neutered (trust me, you wont want to him to procreate). Has not been declawed, but you'll figure that out really fast.

Understands and responds to a variety of vulgar and profane verbal commands. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear - however he will bite your face if you try to touch it.

Willing to accept trades. Potential adopters must have experience with trained attack-kittens; please be prepared to show scars.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Remembering Bruddah IZ

As FTANG! turns 43 today, FTANG! remembers Bruddah IZ who passed away on this date in 1997.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Celebrity Death - George Carlin - June 22, 2008

George Carlin - June 22, 2008

The world today is a little less funny and far more serious than it needs to be.

FTANG! favorite George Carlin has died of heart failure. He was 71.

What can FTANG! say that numerous other sites and people haven't already said about this ground-breaking and genuinely funny individual? He was a classic. A true classic. Your humor will be sorely missed. Thank you for all the laughs, George.

Celebrity Death - Dody Goodman - June 22, 2008

Dody Goodman - June 22, 2008

Comedian Dody Goodman has died at 93 after having been ill for some time.

She is best known for playing the mother on the soap-opera parody "Mary Hartman,Mary Hartman." Goodman also appeared in such popular films as "Grease" and "Grease 2," playing Blanche, the principal's assistant, and in "Splash."

Thursday, June 19, 2008

FTANG! Movie/Musical Moment - Babysitting Blues

Today's FTANG! kitchen special is a little combo-platter!
From 'Column A' we have a little Movie Moment from "Adventures in Babysitting", which is part of FTANG!'s all time favorite flicks. And, from 'Column B' we shift into a Musical Moment with the late great Albert Collins.
NOBODY READS FTANG! WITHOUT SINGIN' DA' BLUES... which is probably as accurate a comment if ever there was one!!

Monday, June 16, 2008

Celebrity Death - Cyd Charisse - June 16, 2008

Cyd Charisse - June 16, 2008

There's been a spate of celebrity deaths lately, hasn't there? Cyd Charisse, a former co-star of Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly, has died after suffering an apparent heart attack. She was 86.

She sang and danced with legends Gene Kelly in Singin' in the Rain, and Fred Astaire in Silk Stockings. At the height of her fame the film company said her long legs were insured for a million dollars.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Celebrity Death - Stan Winston - June 15, 2008

Stan Winston - June 15, 2008
While most people probably don't know the name, you definitely know his creations. Oscar-winning special effects wizard, Stan Winston, has died at the age of 62.
Winston created the creatures that featured in such classic films as Jurassic Park, Terminator and Aliens.
The film veteran had been battling multiple myeloma, a plasma cell cancer, for seven years. He had worked with Steven Spielberg, James Cameron and Tim Burton.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Celebrity Death - Tim Russert - June 13, 2008

Tim Russert - June 13, 2008

Quite frankly, there was a shocking death in the world of broadcast journalism today! NBC News’ Washington bureau chief, Tim Russert, has died of an apparent heart attack at the age of 58!

He was also the moderator of “Meet the Press.” Russert was recording voiceovers for this Sunday’s program when he collapsed.

Among his many other duties, he hosted 'Tim Russert', a weekly interview program on MSNBC. He was also a frequent correspondent and guest on other news programs, such as The Today Show and Hardball. He co-hosted the network's presidential Election Night coverage.

In 2008, Time Magazine named him one of the 100 most influential people in the world.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

2008 Darwin Award Winners Announced

For those of you who don't already know, The Darwin Awards honor people who ensure the long-term survival of the human race by removing themselves from the gene pool in a sublimely idiotic fashion, as described in the Darwin Awards books.

FTANG! presents the winners of 2008:

Eighth Place

In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

Honorable mention (And FTANG!’s personal fave.)
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.

Runner up
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Celebrity Death - Jim McKay - June 7, 2008

Jim McKay - June 7, 2008

Television sportscaster and "Wide World of Sports" host Jim McKay has died of natural causes. He was 86.

FTANG! fondly remembers his voice-over for the sports program that ran immediately after all the Saturday morning cartoons were finished. Here's the opening:

Thursday, June 05, 2008

FTANG! Musical Moment - Marillion - Kayleigh

Marillion - Kayleigh

No one could walk in a trench coat and emote/lip-synch quite like Fish did in this classic video from Marillion’s 1985 album "Misplaced Childhood."

And how many women named Kayleigh do you know after the release of this song?

Monday, June 02, 2008

Celebrity Death - Mel Ferrer - June 2, 2008

Mel Ferrer - June 2, 2008

Mel Ferrer, actor, producer, director and former husband of Audrey Hepburn has died. He was 90. He had been in failing health for the past six months.

(OK... even FTANG! must admit it barely knows who this guy is... but it meets the parameters for a celebrity death notice.)

Celebrity Death - Bo Diddley - June 2, 2008

Bo Diddley - June 2, 2008

Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Famer Bo Diddley has died of heart failure. He was 79.

Diddley was a contemporary of Chuck Berry, Fats Domino and Elvis Presley.

Diddley was born Ellas Bates McDaniel in McComb, Mississippi. He was inducted into the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame in January 1987.

Here's a great clip of Bo. Who put the rock in Rock N Roll?


Sunday, June 01, 2008

Celebrity Death - Yves Saint Laurent - June 1, 2008

Yves Saint Laurent - June 1, 2008

Fashion designer Yves Saint Laurent has died in Paris following a long illness. He was 71.