An Open Blog Post to the Producers of American Idol

Gentlemen,

Did you know that by using the castoff losers from your American Idol show, you could easily build a viable 2009 version of "The Monkees?!?"

Simply have someone slap together a weak script, schedule it after whatever happens to be the Show Du Jour on Fox in Fall 2009, and have Neil Diamond resell you some of the songs from his music catalog. PRESTO! WHAMMO!! SHALAKAZAM!!! INSTANT TELEVISION CLASSIC!!!!

Here's a potential cast list free of charge from FTANG!

Mix and Match as you see fit.

How about Blake Lewis or Chris Sligh as the New Davy Jones?

Maybe Bo Bice or Sanjaya Malakar as the New Micky Dolenz?

It's going to be a tough pick with either Clay Aiken or John Stevens as the New Peter Tork!

And finally, it can only be Constantine Maroulis or Scott Savol as the New Mike Nesmith! (Someone needs to be the leader of this new group of musical misfits!!)

With a cast like this, you could get AT LEAST six or seven seasons out of the idea! Please email FTANG! at your earliest convenience stating your clear interest in this money-making idea! FTANG! will discuss its consulting fees at a latter time. Let's make this happen, people!! Are you reading this, Mr. Simon Fuller?!

Ace Frehley Turns 57

Ace Frehley - April 27thFTANG! birthday wishes to The Space Ace, original KISS Guitarist Ace Frehley who turns 57 today.

On Radio FTANG! earlier this morning birthday boy Ace was quoted as saying:

"Ack! I'm alive and well, Curly... where am I?"

First Great White Attack of 2008

A 66-year-old man died this morning after being attacked by what authorities suspect was a great white shark off the southern California coast. Dave Martin, a retired veterinarian, was pronounced dead shortly after the incident, which occurred about 7 a.m. at Solana Beach, California.

Martin was in a group of nine swimmers "when he was bitten across both thighs by what is believed to be a great white shark," according to a statement issued by the San Diego County Sheriff's Department.

"Some of the other swimmers looked back to see the victim up out of the water flailing, and (he) was pulled back under the water. He came up screaming and was helped to shore by four of the swimmers."

Martin was taken to a nearby lifeguard station and a medical helicopter was called in, but he apparently bled to death at the scene, the statement said. A sheriff's helicopter was scanning the beaches for the shark, and nearby beaches were contacted, Solana Beach officials said in a statement posted on the city's Web site.

Celebrities in Peril - Amy Winehouse

"Singer" Amy Winehouse has been arrested on suspicion of assault. (Please note that FTANG! uses the term 'singer' here extremely loosely! But she certainly is a looker, isn't she?!)

The 24-year-old was held after arriving at a police station in central London to be questioned about an incident after a 38-year-old man had claimed he was assaulted in an area of north London, police said.

Celebrities in Peril - Wesley Snipes

Actor Wesley Snipes was sentenced to 3 years in prison Thursday for tax evasion. Snipes was convicted on three misdemeanor counts of failure to file federal income tax returns.

A federal judge handed down the maximum term requested by prosecutors - a year for each of Snipes's convictions of failing to file the returns.

Snipes is not currently in custody and it is not yet clear when he will have to surrender to authorities. His lawyers had called for leniency, arguing that the offences were misdemeanours and that the star was of good character.

When Sith Lords Attack

A man posing as Darth Vader attacked a Star Wars fan who founded a Jedi Church. A story which was previously reported on Ftang! that can be found HERE.

Arwel Wynne Hughes admitted assaulting Barney Jones and his cousin Michael with a metal crutch. They both suffered minor injuries.

Hughes, who was drunk and dressed in a black garbage bag, shouted "Darth Vader!"

The court heard Hughes had jumped over a garden wall wearing the garbage bag before the attack. The cousins had been filming themselves playing with lightsabers in the garden before the attack. (Insert your own joke here.)

Hughes admitted two charges of common assault. The court heard he has a "chronic alcohol problem" and had drunk the best part of a 10 liter box of wine. (THAT’S OVER 2-1/2 gallons! FTANG! readers!!)

Both men were left upset by the incident and they believed it was pre-planned.

Hughes could not remember the incident and only realized what had happened when he read about it in local newspapers, the court said.

The judge warned that possible jail time remained a possibility before adjourning for pre-sentence reports until May 13th.

Celebrity Death - Paul Davis - April 22, 2008

The music industry sure is taking a shellacking this month, isn't it? This makes two days in a row...

Paul Davis - April 22, 2008

Singer and songwriter Paul Davis has died of a heart attack at the age of 60.

Celebrity Death - Al Wilson - April 21, 2008

Al Wilson - April 21, 2008

Soul singer and songwriter Al Davis has died of kidney failure at the age of 68.

Remembering Benny Hill

Ftang! remembers and salutes comedian Benny Hill who passed away on this day back in 1992.

Celebrity Death - Danny Federici - April 17, 2008

Danny Federici - April 17, 2008

Danny Federici, keyboardist for Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band has died. He was 58.

Federici had been battling melanoma for three years. It was Federici, along with original E Street Band drummer Vini Lopez, who first invited Springsteen to join their band.

Remembering Joey Ramone

Ftang! remembers Joey Ramone who passed away seven years ago today.

Gabba Gabba Hey, Joey!

Celebrity Death - Ollie Johnston - April 14, 2008

Ollie Johnston - April 14, 2008

Walt Disney Studios reports that legendary animator Ollie Johnston has died of natural causes at age 95. Johnston was the last of Walt Disney's so-called 'Nine Old Men.'

You'll know some of his work. He's responsible for contributing animation and direction to film classics such as "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs," "Pinocchio," "Fantasia," "Song of the South," "Cinderella," and "Alice in Wonderland."

Titanic - 96 Years Ago Today

Ninety-six years ago today, the Titanic struck an iceberg on its maiden voyage.

In tribute, FTANG! is pleased to present the film... Titanic. In five seconds.

Celebrities in Peril - Vanilla Ice

First Rikki Rockett and now Vanilla Ice?! What's the world coming to?

Rapper Vanilla Ice has been released from jail after being arrested for allegedly pushing his wife. Police said his wife called saying she had been kicked and hit during an argument. Later she told officers the star only pushed her. The "rapper" (Ftang! uses that term lightly) denied pushing her. He was freed on Friday after appearing in court.

A creature of habit, Ice spent a night in jail in 2001 after being arrested following a domestic dispute.

Remembering Sam Kinison

FTANG! remembers Sam Kinison who was tragically killed in a car crash 16 years ago today.

!!! MISS YOU SAMMY !!! Ah! Ah! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!


Back To School



The Tonight Show With Johnny Carson – Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Celebrity Death - Charlton Heston - April 5, 2008

Charlton Heston - April 5, 2008

One of the last of the Big ‘C’ celebrities... John Charles Carter (a.k.a. Charlton Heston) has passed away at the age of 84 due to complications from Alzheimer’s disease.

Oscar winner. Moses. Ben Hur. El Cid. Ape loathing astronaut Taylor. The Omega Man. Soylent "It’s made of people!" Green consumer. A true Hollywood classic.

Star Wars - The Way It Was Meant To Be!

Celebrity Death - Wayne 'Frosty Freeze' Frost - April 3, 2008

Wayne 'Frosty Freeze' Frost - April 3, 2008

Wayne Frost, the hip-hop pioneer known as "Frosty Freeze", and who also had a small part in the 1983 movie "Flashdance" has died at 44 after a long illness.