FTANG!

Open Message to Joe Sepsey & Scott Misek

2011-07-11T15:47:00.003-05:00

Attention: JOE SEPSEY & SCOTT MISEK!

Two years since my last post and not even a word out of either of you two?

Harumph, I say! Harumph!

SILENCE OF THE LAMBS - THE MUSICAL

2010-05-08T08:28:00.001-05:00

SCOTT MISEK CAUGHT ON TAPE!!!

2010-04-23T14:44:00.005-05:00

WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING IN CORYDON, INDIANA, DUDE?!!?!?!?

Looking good, dude! They used you four times in a one minute commercial! Check out ol' Scott Misek at 0:03, 0:28, 0:49, and the stinger ending at 1:03!!!

Scott Misek Sighting?

2009-09-11T13:01:00.003-05:00

As elusive as Sasquatch.. but a potential sighting of Scott Misek!

Care to comment on whether or not this is indeed you?

Doctor Dwarf

2009-09-01T10:53:00.002-05:00

Here's yet another open blog message to Joe Sepsey and Scott Misek.

Hey, dudes. Fellow Boyz From the Dwarf... if you're still out there in the world, feel free to drop an email to this blog. Would it kill you to say hello?

I thought you'd at least get a kick out this. We have a lot to catch up on.

Republican Impotent Rage

2009-08-18T06:11:00.001-05:00

HAH!

WHITE SANDY BEACH

2009-08-03T08:18:00.001-05:00

The Boyz from the Dwarf Return

2009-02-14T07:00:00.003-06:00

Another open message to Joe Sepsey and Scott Misek:

Feel free to drop an email or leave a comment here. Long time no talk. FTANG! couldn't let this item pass without alerting the other boyz. ;)

Check it out! A Red Dwarf reunion is running on Easter in the UK. The boyz finally make it home.

FTANG! FRIDAY FUNNY

2009-01-30T13:57:00.000-06:00

World's Greatest Impersonation of that doofus Keith Morrison on Dateline.

GOOD LUCK, MR. PRESIDENT!!

2009-01-20T09:05:00.002-06:00

FTANG! wishes PRESIDENT Barack Obama all the best! Good luck!

Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye!!

2009-01-20T09:00:00.002-06:00

OUR 8 YEAR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER, FOLKS!!

GOOD-BYE GEORGE. DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

2008-12-25T08:12:00.000-06:00

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM FTANG!

Peter Criss Turns 63

2008-12-20T10:45:00.004-06:00

FTANG! Birthday wishes to The Catman, original KISS drummer Peter Criss, who is one step closer to receiving Social Security from the KISS Army. He turns 63 today.

YES WE DID!

2008-11-05T19:43:00.002-06:00

"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer."
- - President Elect Barack Obama

FTANG! is more than pleased to congratulate President Elect Barack Obama on his historical campaign victory last night. FTANG! also extends its heart-felt thanks to Senator John McCain for his service to this great nation. No one can (or should ever have to) experience what he went through, and we cannot ever really thank him. FTANG! is hopeful that he will return to the Senate and assist in ushering in the change everyone voted for.

President Elect Obama... to your family and darling daughters... all the best possible wishes for this upcoming holiday season. FTANG! knows that one wish has already come true.

Yes we can... and YES WE DID!!!

Remembering Rodney Dangerfield

2008-10-05T09:42:00.002-05:00

Ftang! remembers Comedy Legend Rodney Dangerfield who passed away on this date back in 2004. MISS YA' RODNEY!

MORE SHARK ATTACK IRONY - LIFE IMITATING ART

2008-08-31T08:07:00.000-05:00

MELBOURNE, Australia (Reuters) -- An Australian woman has died after she was attacked by a shark while swimming with friends at an island near the city of Brisbane in Queensland state, police said Saturday.

The 21-year-old woman from Brisbane was at Amity Point, on North Stradbroke Island when she was attacked, losing both arms up to the elbow and also suffering a flesh wound to the leg.

"She was taken to Princess Alexandra Hospital but has died as a result of her injuries," a Queensland Police spokeswoman told Reuters. She said no further details were available.

**********

PORKER FOLLOW-UP

SYDNEY, Australia (AP) -- Up to three sharks may have been involved in the fatal attack on a 21-year-old woman off an island in eastern Australia, police said Sunday.

The woman, whose identity was not immediately released, died late Saturday after being attacked near North Stradbroke Island, east of the Queensland state capital Brisbane.

Queensland state police inspector Peter Harding said officers were searching for the sharks and had closed several nearby beaches.

"If we found them, I suppose we would try to retrieve them and see if they have any body parts," Harding said. "The idea is to retrieve what we can."

The woman was swimming with friends from a church group in shallow water about 50 feet offshore when the shark attacked, local media reports stated. The woman's dog also was in the water.

The woman was airlifted to a Brisbane hospital where she had to have both arms amputated just below the elbow, according to Queensland Rescue Helicopter spokeswoman Helen Anderson. She also suffered deep wounds to her legs and torso, Anderson said.

Harding said the severity of the woman's injuries indicated she may have been attacked by a group of bull sharks, a species known for aggressive behavior this time of year.

"She was bleeding quite heavily," Harding said, adding that she heard "there was more than one shark involved. There could have been up to three."

ONCE AGAIN - YOUR FREAKISHLY IRONIC MOVIE QUOTE FEATURING A SHARK ATTACK AND A PLACE CALLED AMITY...

"I'm pleased and happy to repeat the news that we have in fact, caught and killed a large predator that supposedly injured some bathers. But as you see it's a beautiful day, the beaches are open and people are having a wonderful time. Amity as you know means friendship. "

Gene Simmons Turns 59

2008-08-25T10:43:00.003-05:00

(Marginal) FTANG! Birthday wishes to The Demon, The God of Thunder, and Endless KISS Merchandise Pitchman.

FTANG! openly hates that you've turned the group into a 'brand', but at least it can take pleasure that knowing that no future money will ever again go from Ftang!'s wallet into yours.

Paul's already said that we fans don't want any new music from you guys (yeah right), so now that breath FTANG! has been holding can finally be exhaled.

Curse you, Simmons! I completely blame you.

Remembering Eric Carr

2008-07-12T14:42:00.003-05:00

Ftang! remembers the late KISS drummer, Eric 'The Fox' Carr, who would've been 58 today. Click the video below to see home footage of Eric a few days after open heart surgery.

ATTACK KITTEN AD

2008-06-27T09:18:00.002-05:00

Source: Craigslist

Ferocious attack kitten is available for adoption to any home willing to accept him.

This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you.

Well-trained since 10-weeks of age to attack anything in his presence, he will protect your family from evil things, including the following:

* insects
* other trained attack kittens
* babies
* toilet paper
* anything under a blanket
* unwanted house guests
* paper bags
* floor rugs
* Chuck Norris
* feet

Great with children (assuming you don’t like the children). Probably best used for professional catfighting.

He is housebroken, but only because he wants to be.

This attack cat has trained himself to seek out his food anywhere you hide it and rip the bag open to feed himself, great for those who travel extensively. Also trained to drink water out of toilet bowls and dishwater from items in the sink.

Knows how to open some doors. He will find you wherever you hide.

Neutered (trust me, you wont want to him to procreate). Has not been declawed, but you'll figure that out really fast.

Understands and responds to a variety of vulgar and profane verbal commands. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear - however he will bite your face if you try to touch it.

Willing to accept trades. Potential adopters must have experience with trained attack-kittens; please be prepared to show scars.

Remembering Bruddah IZ

2008-06-26T07:33:00.002-05:00

As FTANG! turns 43 today, FTANG! remembers Bruddah IZ who passed away on this date in 1997.

Celebrity Death - George Carlin - June 22, 2008

2008-06-22T07:39:00.003-05:00

George Carlin - June 22, 2008

The world today is a little less funny and far more serious than it needs to be.

FTANG! favorite George Carlin has died of heart failure. He was 71.

What can FTANG! say that numerous other sites and people haven't already said about this ground-breaking and genuinely funny individual? He was a classic. A true classic. Your humor will be sorely missed. Thank you for all the laughs, George.

Celebrity Death - Dody Goodman - June 22, 2008

2008-06-22T01:51:00.001-05:00

Dody Goodman - June 22, 2008

Comedian Dody Goodman has died at 93 after having been ill for some time.

She is best known for playing the mother on the soap-opera parody "Mary Hartman,Mary Hartman." Goodman also appeared in such popular films as "Grease" and "Grease 2," playing Blanche, the principal's assistant, and in "Splash."

FTANG! Movie/Musical Moment - Babysitting Blues

2008-06-19T10:24:00.003-05:00

Today's FTANG! kitchen special is a little combo-platter!

From 'Column A' we have a little Movie Moment from "Adventures in Babysitting", which is part of FTANG!'s all time favorite flicks. And, from 'Column B' we shift into a Musical Moment with the late great Albert Collins.

NOBODY READS FTANG! WITHOUT SINGIN' DA' BLUES... which is probably as accurate a comment if ever there was one!!

Celebrity Death - Cyd Charisse - June 16, 2008

2008-06-16T07:45:00.002-05:00

Cyd Charisse - June 16, 2008

There's been a spate of celebrity deaths lately, hasn't there? Cyd Charisse, a former co-star of Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly, has died after suffering an apparent heart attack. She was 86.

She sang and danced with legends Gene Kelly in Singin' in the Rain, and Fred Astaire in Silk Stockings. At the height of her fame the film company said her long legs were insured for a million dollars.

Celebrity Death - Stan Winston - June 15, 2008

2008-06-15T07:37:00.001-05:00

Stan Winston - June 15, 2008

While most people probably don't know the name, you definitely know his creations. Oscar-winning special effects wizard, Stan Winston, has died at the age of 62.
Winston created the creatures that featured in such classic films as Jurassic Park, Terminator and Aliens.
The film veteran had been battling multiple myeloma, a plasma cell cancer, for seven years. He had worked with Steven Spielberg, James Cameron and Tim Burton.

Celebrity Death - Tim Russert - June 13, 2008

2008-06-13T14:44:00.006-05:00

Tim Russert - June 13, 2008

Quite frankly, there was a shocking death in the world of broadcast journalism today! NBC News’ Washington bureau chief, Tim Russert, has died of an apparent heart attack at the age of 58!

He was also the moderator of “Meet the Press.” Russert was recording voiceovers for this Sunday’s program when he collapsed.

Among his many other duties, he hosted 'Tim Russert', a weekly interview program on MSNBC. He was also a frequent correspondent and guest on other news programs, such as The Today Show and Hardball. He co-hosted the network's presidential Election Night coverage.

In 2008, Time Magazine named him one of the 100 most influential people in the world.

2008 Darwin Award Winners Announced

2008-06-10T11:13:00.003-05:00

For those of you who don't already know, The Darwin Awards honor people who ensure the long-term survival of the human race by removing themselves from the gene pool in a sublimely idiotic fashion, as described in the Darwin Awards books.

FTANG! presents the winners of 2008:

Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

Honorable mention (And FTANG!’s personal fave.)
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.

Runner up
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS...

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.

Celebrity Death - Jim McKay - June 7, 2008

2008-06-07T09:01:00.000-05:00

Jim McKay - June 7, 2008

Television sportscaster and "Wide World of Sports" host Jim McKay has died of natural causes. He was 86.

FTANG! fondly remembers his voice-over for the sports program that ran immediately after all the Saturday morning cartoons were finished. Here's the opening:

FTANG! Musical Moment - Marillion - Kayleigh

2008-06-05T13:26:00.004-05:00

Marillion - Kayleigh

No one could walk in a trench coat and emote/lip-synch quite like Fish did in this classic video from Marillion’s 1985 album "Misplaced Childhood."

And how many women named Kayleigh do you know after the release of this song?

Celebrity Death - Mel Ferrer - June 2, 2008

2008-06-02T19:45:00.001-05:00

Mel Ferrer - June 2, 2008

Mel Ferrer, actor, producer, director and former husband of Audrey Hepburn has died. He was 90. He had been in failing health for the past six months.

(OK... even FTANG! must admit it barely knows who this guy is... but it meets the parameters for a celebrity death notice.)

Celebrity Death - Bo Diddley - June 2, 2008

2008-06-02T12:55:00.003-05:00

Bo Diddley - June 2, 2008

Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Famer Bo Diddley has died of heart failure. He was 79.

Diddley was a contemporary of Chuck Berry, Fats Domino and Elvis Presley.

Diddley was born Ellas Bates McDaniel in McComb, Mississippi. He was inducted into the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame in January 1987.

Here's a great clip of Bo. Who put the rock in Rock N Roll?

BO DIDDLEY PUT THE ROCK IN ROCK N ROLL!

Celebrity Death - Yves Saint Laurent - June 1, 2008

2008-06-01T10:16:00.000-05:00

Yves Saint Laurent - June 1, 2008

Fashion designer Yves Saint Laurent has died in Paris following a long illness. He was 71.

WTF - Isn't This A Sign of the Impending Apocalypse???

2008-05-30T14:19:00.005-05:00

Isn't it one of the signs of the Apocalypse when a demon of the Bush Administration finds itself in the company of... well... THE DEMON?!?

SOURCE: Yahoo News/The Associate Press

STOCKHOLM, Sweden - The Kiss Army has an enthusiastic new recruit: Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.

Rice was in the Swedish capital Thursday for an international conference on Iraq. Kiss had a sold-out concert to play Friday.

"I was thrilled," Rice said of her late-night encounter with Kiss frontman Gene Simmons and bandmates Paul Stanley, Eric Singer and Tommy Thayer in the executive lounge of the Sheraton Hotel where they signed autographs and handed out backstage passes and T-shirts to her staff.

"It was really fun to meet Kiss and Gene Simmons," she told reporters, noting that they seemed well-informed about current events. The band had asked if she could stop by after she finished dinner with the Swedish foreign minister and Rice readily agreed, she said.

Rice, a classically trained pianist, said she has eclectic musical tastes ranging from Beethoven to Bruce Springsteen.

Hard rockers such as Kiss are included in the mix, and Rice said her favorite Kiss tune is "Rock and Roll All Nite."

But, Rice conceded, she has never seen the band in concert.

Editorial note: While FTANG! hopes Gene wasn't in his "total jag mode"... it's certainly not holding its breath.

Celebrity Death - Harvey Korman - May 29, 2008

2008-05-29T19:40:00.002-05:00

Harvey Korman - May 29, 2008

Comedian, television star, film actor, Chicagoan, and Super-"C" grade Celebrity, Harvey Korman, has died after complications to the rupture of an abdominal aortic aneurysm he suffered four months ago. He was 81.

His most memorable film role was as the outlandish ~~Hedy~~ Hedley Lamarr in Mel Brooks' 1974 Western satire, "Blazing Saddles."

"A world without Harvey Korman -- it's a more serious world," Brooks said. "It was very dangerous for me to work with him because if our eyes met we'd crash to the floor in comic ecstasy. It was comedy heaven to make Harvey Korman laugh."

Brooks described Korman as a "dazzling" comic talent.

"You could get rock-solid comedy out of him. He could lift the material. He always made it real, always made it work, always believed in characters he was doing," he said.

"He fought until the very end. He didn't want to die. He fought for months and months," said Kate Korman, his daughter.

Rather than post any number of Blazing Saddle clips featuring Harvey's performance as ~~Hedy~~ Hedley Lamarr... here’s two brief minutes of Harvey as Count de Monet in "History of the World Part 1."

Don’t get saucy with me, Bernaise!

Celebrity Death - Luc Bourdon - May 29, 2008

2008-05-29T14:42:00.001-05:00

Luc Bourdon - May 29, 2008

Luc Bourdon, a promising rookie defenseman with the Vancouver Canucks, was killed in a motorcycle crash near his hometown. He was 21. Police reports indicate that Bourdon lost control of his motorcycle before hitting a tractor-trailer.

Ian Fleming at 100

2008-05-28T00:00:00.001-05:00

It's Ian Fleming's centenary today! He, of course, is the man who gave us the super-secret agent, 007, James Bond. He also gave us Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Fleming died in 1964, at 56, of complications from pleurisy after playing a round of golf in Oxfordshire... although he did have a heavy cold. The real culprits were years of smoking up to 80 cigarettes a day, and a fondness for drinking. Because of the difficulty he found in resisting life’s indulgences, he adopted a strict writing routine in his last 12 years, the period in which he wrote more than a dozen Bond novels that spawned the multibillion-dollar film franchise.

Fleming saw 40 million copies of his books sold in his lifetime but died before the Bond franchise exploded onto film screens.

!!!THANK YOU IAN FOR ALL THE FUN!!!

Celebrity Death - Earle Hagen - May 26, 2008

2008-05-26T08:01:00.000-05:00

Earle Hagen - May 26, 2008

Celebrity two-fer on Memorial Day. Earle Hagen, who composed memorable themes for "The Andy Griffith Show," "I Spy," "The Mod Squad" and other TV shows, died after having been in ill health for several months. He was 88. Hagen is the voice heard whistling the tune for "The Andy Griffith Show

Celebrity Death - Sydney Pollack - May 26, 2008

2008-05-26T07:59:00.000-05:00

Sydney Pollack - May 26, 2008

Academy Award-winning director Sydney Pollack, who achieved commercial and critical success with the gender-bending comedy "Tootsie" and the period drama (as well as FTANG! fave) "Out of Africa, has died of cancer. He was 73.

HAPPY TOWEL DAY 2008!

2008-05-25T00:00:00.001-05:00

TOWEL DAY – Friday May 25, 2008

From the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy:
A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have.

Partly it has great practical value - you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mindboggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you - daft as a bush, but very, very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitch hiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have "lost". What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is is clearly a man to be reckoned with.

Celebrity Death - Dick Martin - May 24, 2008

2008-05-24T07:57:00.001-05:00

Dick Martin - May 24, 2008

Dick Martin, the zany half of the comedy team that created "Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In" has died of respiratory complications. He was 86.

FTANG! Musical Moment - Weezer - Pork and Beans

2008-05-23T12:39:00.000-05:00

FTANG! - Musical Moment - I Wanna Be Sedated (Old School)

2008-05-21T07:35:00.002-05:00

What with the economy being what it is... if FTANG! is ever fortunate enough to be even able to retire to an assisted living community, this is what it would be like!!

When Underage Morons Go For A Ride

2008-05-20T08:25:00.003-05:00

Source: The Associated Press

HARTMAN, Ark. - - An Arkansas preteen faces a drunken driving charge after he and a friend drank his parents' beer, "got liquored up" and crashed his stepfather's pickup truck, a Johnson County sheriff said.

Sheriff Jimmy Dorney said the 12-year-old boy and his 10-year-old friend drove off in the truck to find a girl they met at a rodeo. The boys made it about 10 miles before the 12-year-old lost control of the truck.

Dorney said the truck hit and jumped over a guardrail, sending it careening 50 feet down a steep hill into a forest.

Clark James, 46, who lives down the road from the crash site, said he answered the boys' banging at his front door with shotgun in hand about 2:30 a.m.

"I opened the door and the first thing (the 12-year-old) said to me was, 'I'm drunk and I had a wreck,'" James said. "I looked at him and I thought 'You're kind of young to be out drinking. And you sure shouldn't be driving.'"

Neither boy was seriously injured.

County prosecutor Bruce Wilson said that he will charge the 12-year- old boy with drunken driving and several other misdemeanor charges. Wilson also said the 12-year-old could face a variety of sanctions ranging from probation, to court-mandated community service and alcohol rehabilitation, to commitment to the state Department of Human Services Division of Youth Services.

James bets that both Johnson County boys are grounded for life.

"If not, then they should be," he said.

When Dueling Morons Use Tasers

2008-05-19T12:58:00.007-05:00

Source: The Associated Press

BOULDER, Colorado -- Police say a security company supervisor and a restaurateur shot each other with Tasers in a "bonehead" confrontation over parking.

Police reports say Harvey Epstein, co-owner of Mamacitas restaurant and Casey M. Dane, a supervisor for Colorado Security Services Inc., were arguing over a metal boot that one of Dane's guards had clamped on a wheel of a van parked behind Mamacitas.

Dane told police he was afraid Epstein was going to hit him with a 2-foot-long pair of bolt cutters. Epstein told police he had only tried to remove the boot with the bolt cutters and hadn't threatened anyone with them.

Epstein told police Dane put his hand on a holstered pistol and threatened to shoot him. Dane told The Associated Press by telephone that he did put his hand on the holstered pistol but never threatened to shoot Epstein.

Both men drew Tasers.

"They shot each other," Police Sgt. Pat Wyton told the Camera newspaper. "It was just kind of a bonehead deal."

The guard claimed the van, owned by a Mamacitas employee, was on property he was hired to patrol. The van owner denied that.

Epstein, 36, said he took out his Taser only after Dane pointed his at him and his mother, who was also outside. Epstein also said Dane repeatedly told him he was a police officer and that failing to comply with his orders was a federal offense, allegations that Dane denies.

Celebrity Death - Joseph Pevney - May 18, 2008

2008-05-18T15:39:00.004-05:00

A double whammy for the Trek nerds! Three days following the passing of the gentleman who composed the theme song comes this...

Joseph Pevney, who directed some of the best-loved episodes of the original "Star Trek" television series, has died. He was 96.

Pevney directed 14 episodes of the series, including "The City on the Edge of Forever," in which Capt. Kirk and Spock travel back in time (Ah hah!! Doctor Who copyright infringement!! For shame!!) to the Depression, and "The Trouble With Tribbles," in which the starship Enterprise is infested with the furry creatures.

No photo was available of Mr. Pevney, so here’s a list of some of the other notable television shows he directed:

Trapper John M.D. (8 episodes)
The Paper Chase (2 episodes)
Little House on the Prairie (1 episode)
The Rockford Files (1 episode)
The Incredible Hulk (2 episodes)
Fantasy Island (1 episode)
The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries (7 episodes)
Petrocelli (7episodes)
Emergency! (7 episodes)
Bonanza (6 episodes)
Adam-12 (10 episodes)
The Munsters (11 episodes)

Not Quite A Celebrity Death - Robert Mondavi - May 16, 2008

2008-05-16T09:10:00.000-05:00

Robert Mondavi - May 16, 2008

Robert Mondavi, the pioneering vintner who helped put California wine country on the map, died at his Napa Valley home Friday. He was 94.

Celebrity Death - Alexander Courage - May 15, 2008

2008-05-15T11:18:00.000-05:00

Alexander Courage - May 15, 2008

While FTANG! is an unapologetic and unabashed Doctor Who fan, this needs to be addressed for those Trek nerds out there. I've heard there are a few of you still walking around.

Alexander "Sandy" Courage, an Emmy-winning and Academy Award-nominated arranger, orchestrator and the composer who created the otherworldly theme for the classic "Star Trek" TV show, has died at an assisted-living facility. He was 88 and had been in poor health for a number of years.

Among many other projects he also provided the orchestration for such movies as "The Poseidon Adventure," "Jurassic Park," "Basic Instinct" and "The Mummy".

Beginning in the 1960s he composed music for TV shows, including "The Waltons," "Lost in Space" and "Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea," although the only themes he created were for "Star Trek" and "Judd For the Defense."

American Idol - The David Lee Roth Audition

2008-05-14T08:37:00.001-05:00

Bop! Bowa-zee-bowa-zee-bop! Zitty Bop!

Celebrity Death - John Philip Law - May 13, 2008

2008-05-13T15:52:00.003-05:00

John Philip Law - May 13, 2008

John Phillip Law, who portrayed an angel in "Barbarella" has died. He was 70.

He also portrayed Sinbad in "The Golden Voyage of Sinbad" starring opposite future Doctor Who Tom Baker and future Professional Martin Shaw.

And he starred in what would become the Mystery Science Theatre 3000 classic "Diabolik."

WTF?! Mmmmm. Beer.

2008-05-13T08:45:00.002-05:00

Australian police pulled over a driver and were shocked to find he had secured a load of beer with a seat belt - but NOT a five-year-old boy.

Officers were appalled to find the man was more concerned about his 30 cans of brewskis than the child travelling with him. While the alcohol was safely buckled in, the boy was sitting on the floor in the back, unrestrained.

Police stopped the man after noticing that his car was unregistered.

"I haven't ever seen something like this before," said Constable Wayne Burnett, who stopped the driver on a desert highway south of Alice Springs.

He said police often stopped vehicles to look for beer, wine and spirits being illegally smuggled into 'dry' Aboriginal communities, where alcohol is banned.

"But this is the first time that the beer has taken priority over a child."

He said the driver of the car "just looked at me blankly" when he was handed a $700 fine for driving an unregistered and uninsured vehicle, and for failing to ensure the child was wearing a seatbelt.

"He didn't get it," Constable Burnett said. "I asked him about the fact the child was unrestrained and the beer was, and he said he didn't know anything about it."

Eric Singer Turns 50

2008-05-12T00:00:00.001-05:00

Eric Singer - May 12

FTANG! birthday wishes to The Catman Mark 2, KISS drummer Eric Singer, who turns the big 5-0 today! An extremely nice guy in person and one HELL of a drummer! Original Catman and drummer Peter Criss only wishes he could drum like this guy.

Remembering Douglas Adams

2008-05-11T00:00:00.000-05:00

Douglas Adams 1952-2001

The first few months of 2001 were dreadful ones for Ftang! Two personal idols of Ftang! passed away within a month of one another. Author Douglas Adams passed away seven years ago today.

Remember to celebrate Towel Day on May 25, 2008!!

Celebrity Death - Eddy Arnold - May 8, 2008

2008-05-08T10:47:00.003-05:00

Eddy Arnold - May 8, 2008

One of the founding fathers of country music, Eddy Arnold, died at the age of 89 at an assisted living facility. Billboard Magazine ranked Arnold (aka The Tennessee Plowboy) the number one country artist of all time.

FTANG! Movie Moment - My Blue Heaven

2008-05-06T12:41:00.002-05:00

EVERYONE MERENGUE!!!!

Not Quite A Celebrity Death - Irvine Robbins - May 5, 2008

2008-05-05T12:59:00.001-05:00

Irvine Robbins - May 5, 2008

As with Herb Peterson's passing earlier this year, FTANG! doesn't consider this a true "Celebrity Death", and won't post it as such... but it still warrants a mention. Irvine Robbins, co-founder of Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream, has died of complications related to old age. He was 90.

Not Quite A Celebrity Death - Fredric Baur - May 4, 2008

2008-05-04T08:56:00.000-05:00

Fredric Baur - May 4, 2008

The designer who invented the Pringles tube was so proud of his achievement that he's been buried in one.

Fredric J Baur asked for some of his ashes to be put in a tube and interred in a grave in his home city of Cincinnati. Baur, who died May 4th at the age of 89, created the tube and the curved system for stacking the potato snacks inside it in 1966.

Baur's children honored his request to bury him in one of the cans by placing part of his cremated remains in a Pringles container in his grave. The rest of his remains were placed in an urn buried along with the can.

Celebrity Death - Ted Kay - May 3, 2008

2008-05-03T07:56:00.001-05:00

Ted Kay - May 3, 2008

Cartoonist Ted Key, whose comic strip "Hazel" about a bossy maid, has died after a 1-1/2-year battle with cancer. He was 95.

"Hazel" was a popular feature in The Saturday Evening Post from the time it debuted in 1943. It also evolved into a prime-time television series in 1961 and ran for four years on NBC and one year on CBS.

Key also created the characters Mr. Peabody and Sherman for producer Jay Ward. The time-traveling dog/scientist and his pet boy made their TV debuts in 1959 in segments on the animated show "Rocky and His Friends."

Celebrity Death - Bernard Archard - May 1, 2008

2008-05-01T16:09:00.001-05:00

Bernard Archard - May 1, 2008

Very small ‘c’ celebrity - but known to Classic (Doctor Who) Series fans - actor Bernard Archard has died at the age of 91.

He appeared in such movies as Krull and The Sea Wolves (a FTANG! fave), as well as the following classic television shows (also FTANG! faves) - The Professionals, The Avengers, Keeping Up Appearances and two separate appearances in Doctor Who for the 2nd and 4th Doctor. His most notable appearance being Marcus Scarman in "The Pyramids of Mars." (Yes, FTANG! is cognizant of the fact that he looked 91 way back in 1975.)

Celebrity Death - Jim Hager - May 1, 2008

2008-05-01T13:33:00.000-05:00

Jim Hager - May 1, 2008

Small ‘c’ celebrity Jim Hager (far right), one of "Hee Haw's" Hager Twins, collapsed in a coffee shop and died at the age of 66.

Well, he was probably considered a Big ‘C’ celebrity by the Blue Collar Comedy Tour folk.

Happy May Day!

2008-05-01T09:28:00.000-05:00

!!! HAPPY MAY DAY COMRADES !!!

An Open Blog Post to the Producers of American Idol

2008-04-30T15:49:00.001-05:00

Gentlemen,

Did you know that by using the castoff losers from your American Idol show, you could easily build a viable 2009 version of "The Monkees?!?"

Simply have someone slap together a weak script, schedule it after whatever happens to be the Show Du Jour on Fox in Fall 2009, and have Neil Diamond resell you some of the songs from his music catalog. PRESTO! WHAMMO!! SHALAKAZAM!!! INSTANT TELEVISION CLASSIC!!!!

Here's a potential cast list free of charge from FTANG!

Mix and Match as you see fit.

How about Blake Lewis or Chris Sligh as the New Davy Jones?

Maybe Bo Bice or Sanjaya Malakar as the New Micky Dolenz?

It's going to be a tough pick with either Clay Aiken or John Stevens as the New Peter Tork!

And finally, it can only be Constantine Maroulis or Scott Savol as the New Mike Nesmith! (Someone needs to be the leader of this new group of musical misfits!!)

With a cast like this, you could get AT LEAST six or seven seasons out of the idea! Please email FTANG! at your earliest convenience stating your clear interest in this money-making idea! FTANG! will discuss its consulting fees at a latter time. Let's make this happen, people!! Are you reading this, Mr. Simon Fuller?!

Ace Frehley Turns 57

2008-04-27T10:40:00.008-05:00

Ace Frehley - April 27thFTANG! birthday wishes to The Space Ace, original KISS Guitarist Ace Frehley who turns 57 today.

On Radio FTANG! earlier this morning birthday boy Ace was quoted as saying:

"Ack! I'm alive and well, Curly... where am I?"

First Great White Attack of 2008

2008-04-25T15:20:00.000-05:00

A 66-year-old man died this morning after being attacked by what authorities suspect was a great white shark off the southern California coast. Dave Martin, a retired veterinarian, was pronounced dead shortly after the incident, which occurred about 7 a.m. at Solana Beach, California.

Martin was in a group of nine swimmers "when he was bitten across both thighs by what is believed to be a great white shark," according to a statement issued by the San Diego County Sheriff's Department.

"Some of the other swimmers looked back to see the victim up out of the water flailing, and (he) was pulled back under the water. He came up screaming and was helped to shore by four of the swimmers."

Martin was taken to a nearby lifeguard station and a medical helicopter was called in, but he apparently bled to death at the scene, the statement said. A sheriff's helicopter was scanning the beaches for the shark, and nearby beaches were contacted, Solana Beach officials said in a statement posted on the city's Web site.

Celebrities in Peril - Amy Winehouse

2008-04-25T12:55:00.003-05:00

"Singer" Amy Winehouse has been arrested on suspicion of assault. (Please note that FTANG! uses the term 'singer' here extremely loosely! But she certainly is a looker, isn't she?!)

The 24-year-old was held after arriving at a police station in central London to be questioned about an incident after a 38-year-old man had claimed he was assaulted in an area of north London, police said.

Celebrities in Peril - Wesley Snipes

2008-04-24T19:29:00.000-05:00

Actor Wesley Snipes was sentenced to 3 years in prison Thursday for tax evasion. Snipes was convicted on three misdemeanor counts of failure to file federal income tax returns.

A federal judge handed down the maximum term requested by prosecutors - a year for each of Snipes's convictions of failing to file the returns.

Snipes is not currently in custody and it is not yet clear when he will have to surrender to authorities. His lawyers had called for leniency, arguing that the offences were misdemeanours and that the star was of good character.

When Sith Lords Attack

2008-04-24T09:35:00.007-05:00

A man posing as Darth Vader attacked a Star Wars fan who founded a Jedi Church. A story which was previously reported on Ftang! that can be found HERE.

Arwel Wynne Hughes admitted assaulting Barney Jones and his cousin Michael with a metal crutch. They both suffered minor injuries.

Hughes, who was drunk and dressed in a black garbage bag, shouted "Darth Vader!"

The court heard Hughes had jumped over a garden wall wearing the garbage bag before the attack. The cousins had been filming themselves playing with lightsabers in the garden before the attack. (Insert your own joke here.)

Hughes admitted two charges of common assault. The court heard he has a "chronic alcohol problem" and had drunk the best part of a 10 liter box of wine. (THAT’S OVER 2-1/2 gallons! FTANG! readers!!)

Both men were left upset by the incident and they believed it was pre-planned.

Hughes could not remember the incident and only realized what had happened when he read about it in local newspapers, the court said.

The judge warned that possible jail time remained a possibility before adjourning for pre-sentence reports until May 13th.

Celebrity Death - Paul Davis - April 22, 2008

2008-04-22T08:36:00.003-05:00

The music industry sure is taking a shellacking this month, isn't it? This makes two days in a row...

Paul Davis - April 22, 2008

Singer and songwriter Paul Davis has died of a heart attack at the age of 60.

Celebrity Death - Al Wilson - April 21, 2008

2008-04-21T08:33:00.001-05:00

Al Wilson - April 21, 2008

Soul singer and songwriter Al Davis has died of kidney failure at the age of 68.

Remembering Benny Hill

2008-04-20T09:39:00.000-05:00

Ftang! remembers and salutes comedian Benny Hill who passed away on this day back in 1992.

Celebrity Death - Danny Federici - April 17, 2008

2008-04-17T19:48:00.001-05:00

Danny Federici - April 17, 2008

Danny Federici, keyboardist for Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band has died. He was 58.

Federici had been battling melanoma for three years. It was Federici, along with original E Street Band drummer Vini Lopez, who first invited Springsteen to join their band.

Remembering Joey Ramone

2008-04-15T07:41:00.001-05:00

Ftang! remembers Joey Ramone who passed away seven years ago today.

Gabba Gabba Hey, Joey!

Celebrity Death - Ollie Johnston - April 14, 2008

2008-04-14T16:03:00.001-05:00

Ollie Johnston - April 14, 2008

Walt Disney Studios reports that legendary animator Ollie Johnston has died of natural causes at age 95. Johnston was the last of Walt Disney's so-called 'Nine Old Men.'

You'll know some of his work. He's responsible for contributing animation and direction to film classics such as "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs," "Pinocchio," "Fantasia," "Song of the South," "Cinderella," and "Alice in Wonderland."

Titanic - 96 Years Ago Today

2008-04-14T10:34:00.003-05:00

Ninety-six years ago today, the Titanic struck an iceberg on its maiden voyage.

In tribute, FTANG! is pleased to present the film... Titanic. In five seconds.

Celebrities in Peril - Vanilla Ice

2008-04-11T14:19:00.006-05:00

First Rikki Rockett and now Vanilla Ice?! What's the world coming to?

Rapper Vanilla Ice has been released from jail after being arrested for allegedly pushing his wife. Police said his wife called saying she had been kicked and hit during an argument. Later she told officers the star only pushed her. The "rapper" (Ftang! uses that term lightly) denied pushing her. He was freed on Friday after appearing in court.

A creature of habit, Ice spent a night in jail in 2001 after being arrested following a domestic dispute.

Remembering Sam Kinison

2008-04-10T09:28:00.003-05:00

FTANG! remembers Sam Kinison who was tragically killed in a car crash 16 years ago today.

!!! MISS YOU SAMMY !!! Ah! Ah! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back To School

The Tonight Show With Johnny Carson – Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Celebrity Death - Charlton Heston - April 5, 2008

2008-04-05T07:48:00.002-05:00

Charlton Heston - April 5, 2008

One of the last of the Big ‘C’ celebrities... John Charles Carter (a.k.a. Charlton Heston) has passed away at the age of 84 due to complications from Alzheimer’s disease.

Oscar winner. Moses. Ben Hur. El Cid. Ape loathing astronaut Taylor. The Omega Man. Soylent "It’s made of people!" Green consumer. A true Hollywood classic.

Star Wars - The Way It Was Meant To Be!

2008-04-04T08:17:00.001-05:00

Celebrity Death - Wayne 'Frosty Freeze' Frost - April 3, 2008

2008-04-03T09:52:00.000-05:00

Wayne 'Frosty Freeze' Frost - April 3, 2008

Wayne Frost, the hip-hop pioneer known as "Frosty Freeze", and who also had a small part in the 1983 movie "Flashdance" has died at 44 after a long illness.

Celebrities in Peril - Rikki Rockett

2008-03-29T08:00:00.001-05:00

Rikki Rockett, drummer for the rock band Poison, has been arrested for rape in Los Angeles.

Rockett - real name Richard Ream - was held after a woman filed a complaint claiming she had been raped at a casino in Neshoba, Mississippi.

A police spokesperson said prosecutors were deciding whether the star would be sent back to Mississippi. The 46-year-old musician, who was unavailable for comment, has been released from police custody.

The band, best known for releasing the song Talk Dirty to Me, was founded in the 1980s by Rockett and singer Bret Michaels.

Local Celebrity Death - Wally Phillips - March 27, 2008

2008-03-27T09:15:00.003-05:00

Wally Phillips - March 27, 2008

Here's another passing that doesn't quite make the "Celebrity Death" tally on the righthand toolbar, but he's clearly a Chicago Celebrity, make no doubt about that. You were one of kind, Wally.

Wally Phillips, one of Chicago's most popular and influential radio personalities of all time, has died, he was 83.

Phillips, a Radio Hall of Famer, had been battling Alzheimer¹s disease since 2004. He began his ground-breaking 42-year run (!!!) at WGN in 1956.

WTF?! BRING ME THE HEAD OF FOZZY BEAR!

2008-03-27T08:12:00.003-05:00

WTF?! So, FTANG! would like to know why in the world it has received over a DOZEN hits this week from around the world (!!!) from people looking for an image of the Muppet Fozzy Bear?!? What's the deal? WTF is up with that? This is equally as disturbing as the people who stumble across this site thinking they're going to find photos of granny panties. (You guys are in a club all to yourselves!)

So seriously Muppet People... what gives? Would anyone care to share in the comments section what the deal is? Curious minds would love to know. Google Fozzy Bear and you'll find thousands of images.

Here! Here's your shot of that third rate Muppet Fozzy. Happy now? (FYI - it's the first image I grabbed off of Google. Why don't you do the same?)

FTANG! Musical Moment - Stevie Ray Vaughn - Crossfire

2008-03-26T12:43:00.003-05:00

FTANG! was in the mood for a little SRV - - any time is a good time for a little SRV, don't you think?!

Not Quite A Celebrity Death - Herb Peterson - March 25, 2008

2008-03-25T07:38:00.004-05:00

Herb Peterson - Inventor of the Egg McMuffin - March 25, 2008

With respect to his family and friends... while FTANG! doesn't consider this a true "Celebrity Death", and won't post it as such... this still warrants a mention. Egg McMuffin inventor Herb Peterson has died in Santa Barbara at age 89. Who on this planet hasn't eaten one of these breakfast grease-balls on a road-trip, or in the office cafeteria?!?

Celebrity Death - Abby Mann - March 25, 2008

2008-03-25T07:36:00.000-05:00

Abby Mann - March 25, 2008

Abby Mann, the Oscar-winning writer of the (extremely good) 1961 film "Judgement in Nuremberg", has died at the age of 80.

Celebrity Death - Richard Widmark - March 24, 2008

2008-03-24T14:52:00.000-05:00

Richard Widmark - March 24, 2008

Hollywood star Richard Widmark, who made more than 70 films between 1947 and 1992, has died at the age of 93 after a long illness.

In addition to numerous classic appearances in many fantastic films, Ftang! will always remember him for turning in a pair of excellent performances in two of its favorite films,"True Colors" and "Who Dares Wins"... Or, as it's known in the U.S. "The Final Option".

Celebrity Death - Neil Aspinall - March 24, 2008

2008-03-24T11:35:00.003-05:00

Neil Aspinall - March 24, 2008

Neil Aspinall, longtime friend and former CEO of Apple Corps Ltd. has died at age 66. He was a Liverpool school friend of Paul McCartney and George Harrison. He was their first road manager and would drive them to gigs in his van. He later became their personal assistant, and in 1968 was given a management role at Apple Records, the band's own record label.

Achtung Baby! It's Easter!

2008-03-23T14:44:00.003-05:00

ACHTUNG BABY! HAPPY EASTER FROM FTANG!

The Last Supper

2008-03-21T08:17:00.001-05:00

The Ramones Live Drinking Game

2008-03-19T10:15:00.001-05:00

If you were fortunate enough to see them perform live, consider yourself lucky! If you were fortunate enough to see them perform live as many times as Ftang! and Brother Ftang! did... well... then consider yourselves true punks.

This is for you brutha! Gabba Gabba Hey!

The "Ramones Live" Drinking Game

Source/From: Den of Geek

Buy a Ramones live album. Any of ‘em will do. Get some beer. Get some friends. Throw that sucker on and follow the instructions. Have fun getting plowed!

Take a sip:
If the CD starts with the music from The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly
Every time Dee Dee/C.J. shouts, "1-2-3-4!"
Every time Joey introduces a song by awkwardly saying its name
Every time Joey mispronounces Dee Dee’s name as "Dee Tay"
Every time Joey inserts extra syllables into a one syllable word ("dog" = "daw-hawgg!")
Every time Joey mentions chicken vindaloo, mental institutions, or surfing
Every time Johnny refuses to play a guitar solo

Chug two mouthfuls:
Every time Dee Dee/C.J. counts off in German
Every time Joey mentions what city/state/country the band is in
Every time Joey is too lazy to sing the complete chorus of "Blitzkrieg Bop"
Every time Joey skips a song’s entire verse in favor of a few "yeahs"
Every time Johnny attempts to play a guitar solo

Chug an entire can:
If C.J. sings two songs in a row
If Dee Dee sings any songs
If you hear Eddie Vedder, Chris Cornell, or any member of Rancid singing
If they don’t play "I Wanna Be Sedated"
Every time you hear Joey attempting to convince the audience the venue was built atop a pet semetary

The ultimate step:

If any of the Ramones start playing or singing a different song than they're supposed to and they have to stop and start the song over, shoot Budweiser directly into your veins with the nearest hypodermic needle.

Celebrity Death - Arthur C. Clarke - March 19, 2008

2008-03-19T07:33:00.003-05:00

Arthur C. Clarke - March 19, 2008

Author Arthur C. Clarke, who wrote "2001: A Space Odyssey" has died at age 90.

Celebrity Death - Paul Scofield - March 19, 2008

2008-03-19T07:29:00.000-05:00

Paul Scofield - March 19, 2008

Paul Scofield, one of Britain's greatest Shakespearean actors and an Academy Award winner, has died due to leukemia at the age of 86.

Celebrity Death - Anthony Minghella - March 18, 2008

2008-03-18T15:22:00.006-05:00

Anthony Minghella – March 18, 2008

Oscar-winning director Anthony Minghella, who won in 1996 for "The English Patient," and also made "The Talented Mr. Ripley" and "Cold Mountain" has died of a hemorrhage after a routine operation on his neck. He was 54.

Happy St. Patrick's Day from Ftang!

2008-03-17T09:38:00.004-05:00

Irish Language Lab

Denis Leary – Traditional Irish Folk Song

Celebrity Death - Ola Brunkert - March 16, 2008

2008-03-16T19:41:00.000-05:00

Ola Brunkert - March 16, 2008

What do you mean you don't know who Ola Brunkert is?! What?! Do you live under a rock or something? OK... Ftang! admits that it doesn't know who Ola Brunkert was. He was a session drummer with the Swedish mega-band ABBA. He was found dead in the garden of his Spanish home with cuts to his throat, police say.

His death appeared to be accidental. Police believe Brunkert fell from a window and died while he tried to seek help. Brunket, who retired to Majorca, was the only session musician to have appeared on all of Abba's recordings.

And your interesting ABBA tidbit of the day:
Despite breaking up more than 25 years ago, the group still sells between two and three million albums a year.

Celebrity Death - Ivan Dixon - March 16, 2008

2008-03-16T09:28:00.001-05:00

Ivan Dixon - March 16, 2008

Ivan Dixon, actor, director and producer best known for his role as Kinchloe on the 1960s television series "Hogan's Heroes," died of complications from kidney failure. He was 76.

GrandMa's Got A Brand New Bag... Of Grenades!

2008-03-13T06:47:00.000-05:00

Police officers, secretaries and criminals were evacuated from a Russian police station after a granny walked in with a handbag filled with hand grenades.

Irene Fedorova, 67, walked into the station in the Orenburg Region in the Urals and said she wanted to take advantage of an arms amnesty.

She said she wanted to get rid of some old weapons that her late husband Boris had kept under their bed.

Officers who opened the bag found it contained several hand grenades including two that had faulty pins and could have gone off at any moment.
She said: "I read they were disposing of old weapons and thought it was a good idea. I bought them in on the bus in my handbag. I was sorry to have caused such a fuss - perhaps next time they should offer a collection service."

A spokesman said: "These were fragmentation grenades which explode into hundreds of fragments and inflict serious injuries to people up to 50 feet away. Anyone within ten feet will be killed if they go off."

That Must've Been One Hell of a Great Magazine!

2008-03-12T15:51:00.004-05:00

Special thanks to Ftang! field correspondents Patrick and Kim for their contributions to this story.

A 35-year-old Wichita woman who apparently spent two years in her boyfriend's bathroom in Ness City had become stuck to the toilet seat, authorities said Wednesday.

"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body. It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself," Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said in a telephone interview, adding that it appeared her body fat had grown attached to the seat.

The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend," Whipple said, adding he never explained why it took him two years to call.

He said the boyfriend had brought the woman food and water during the two years and told investigators he asked her daily to come out of the bathroom.

"And her reply would be, 'Maybe tomorrow,'" Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom."

Police found the clothed woman sitting on the toilet, her sweat pants down to her mid-thigh as if she was using the toilet. Her legs looked like they had atrophied, he said.

"She was sitting on the toilet and was somewhat disoriented," Whipple said. "She said that she didn't need any help, that she was OK and did not want to leave."

She refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out. She was taken to a hospital in Wichita, about 150 miles southeast of Ness City, where she is listed in fair condition. Whipple said she has refused to cooperate with medical providers or law enforcement investigators.

"We pried the toilet seat off with a prybar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."

When Cheeseburgers Attack!

2008-03-12T08:54:00.007-05:00

An Austrian doctor filed a complaint after a truck driver threw a cheeseburger at him for driving too slowly.

But police told Hannes Kohl, from Vienna, that burger throwing was not an offense.

He was hit on the head by the cheese burger thrown by a passing truck driver through his open car window.

Dr. Kohl, who was on his way to a medical conference in the Czech Republic, said: "I was going slowly but that was no excuse for this outrageous attack.

"I complained to the police but they told me it was not an offense to throw a burger at someone, and my insurance company also refused to pay up even though there was melted cheese and ketchup on my suit and all over my car."

Doctor Who - Dubbed for Jamaican TV

2008-03-10T07:39:00.001-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4M-CPwzCdVg

FTANG! Musical Moment - Cliff Richard and the Young Ones - Living Doll

2008-03-07T07:43:00.003-06:00

As Van Morrison appears to be a COMPLETE AND UTTER BASTARD for blocking yesterday’s tribute to Ftang!’s brown eyed girl... Here’s one for Ftang!’s living doll.